Shaman's Earthwalk: Moth's pilgrimage

Before venturing out, as I considered enlisting a guide, I noticed a framed (specimen) moth on the way to the door. Hmmm... what would you do with that information? You guessed it; I started heading towards 'the light'...

I'd wanted to go to a woods that I'd seen in the distance when I'd arrived at this new location (in Austria) the previous day, but I picked up on little signs as I was making my way there that suggested otherwise, starting with a white stone in a farmer’s field - in the late-day sun, it looked as though it were glowing against its earthy background. Once I got there, my attention came to a white, round sign fallen down on the other side of a nearby creek (you can bet I took that as a sign. Ha!), and a bird flew by in the direction the creek was flowing from. In the dimming light, I couldn't really see it except for the fact that it had a patch of white feathers that gave it a really bright rump. I looked - and then headed - in the direction it had gone, towards the setting sun (~ the big light!).

I came upon a nativity scene, complete with a guiding star. There was a (plinth) beside it with a double-barred cross on top (sometimes referred to as a patriarchal cross, apparently) and scenes with figures painted on each side. One showed a depiction of Christ with an aura/halo on a similar (double) cross. A dove (with a halo of light as well) flew towards me from below him, and God supported the cross that he was on from above (and - you guessed it - a light encircled his head as well). On the side of the plinth opposite this scene, a figure casually stood on a demon, crushing it underfoot.

As I continued after the sun, a seed (~ thoughts,ideas, beliefs, plans, goals, visions) on its little parachute floated alongside me, suspended in the air. I walked on and on (and on). I started wondering, "Am I really supposed to continue in this direction? What am I doing out here anyway? The sun's almost gone, and I'm not even sure I can find my way back as it is!" I was about to turn on my heel when I saw: a white lighter on the ground in front of me. Well, as far as confirmations go, I figured that was about as specific as a sign could get!

Just ahead, I came upon a carved wooden bear. It held a sign that read “wilkommen holzbau” (‘welcome, wood construction’ ~ a suggestion that something is being built, from your raw potential). It was quite dark now, and in the distance I saw a Christmas light decoration in the shape of pie wedges (like in the game 'Trivial Pursuit' ~ some pieces of information are being brought together at this time that'll bring about a completion of some sort).

I walked past some old apple trees that had the odd shriveled apple on them, past their harvest. I couldn't help but think of how this might relate to the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. I believe this sign was suggesting that it's time for a rewrite (or a re-do, anyway!).

Off the side of the road, there was a waterworks structure. Some of the pipes had red (~ passion) accents, and seemed to me to be in the shape of a woman’s (alluring) form. Her outstretched arms gave the impression that she had the same shape as the double cross I'd seen earlier.

I saw a double-steepled church (~ your spiritual beliefs/body) in the distance (on the other side of the valley) that was lit up from the inside. I thought to head towards it as well, but my guidance strongly suggested that - for now, at least - this walk was complete. The clouds parted, and the moon shone through. I got a little disoriented ('lost' is more like it) along the way back, but eventually found my way by following its light like a beacon.

Post-script: I want to mention something about 'Bear' here. Upon first sight, the carved bear had piqued my attention especially because - in healings I've done - I've shared medicine with a lot of people who seem to all be connected to the same bear (energy/clan/constellation?). The sign the bear was holding suggested to me to be aware that - at this time, especially - Spirit is working us into a new form. Bear is symbolic of accessing your untapped potentials through other levels of consciousness, as in the Dreamtime. Even though you may largely feel unaware of it on a conscious level, you are in your own 'healing cave' at this time, preparing for your upcoming springtime.

From what was revealed in this walk, I suggest a couple of specific medicines. One, we're rewriting/re-doing previous versions of what our spiritual beliefs/realities are, on a collective level. Keep in mind that there is no external 'church' to head towards, no point asking someone else for a description of the consciousness that you are coming into through your experience;  head to the light within. And two, your passions - whether devilish or divine - hold a clue to what it is that you're actually wishing to connect to. Again, don't look to some external image in the hopes that you'll be satiated by it. Call upon Bear medicine to show you the reason (and release the need) for those outer projections so that you can know the medicine you're actually after, and then allow that Sacred union to be made manifest!

Big Medicine Love to You

~ Black Feather

Wanna know some Secrets?...

...how about secrets that you've hidden from your self ?

Would you like to know, for instance, why you have a certain anxiety? ...the reasons behind why you're sooo stressed? ...information about a challenging relationship or illness? ...and how about being able to know how to get past it??

---> blackfeathermedicine@yahoo.ca

As most of us do, when you incarnated into your present life, you likely forgot about all that came before. Your past lives and the spirit energies accompanying you in this one have a tremendous influence on your relationships, circumstances, feelings and behaviours!

In truth, we don't come into this life for 'easy' (the majority of us, at least!); we come here to learn, and to grow as souls. Truth be told, in this particular physical experience, we actually learn best through adversity. That said, is this your time to receive a little help? Is this your time to enlist a hand up so that you can move forward?

A clairvoyant reading is a GREAT way to access treasures previously hidden to you.

Move into your personal power by revealing essential things that you've 'forgotten' about yourself !

Contact Black Feather for an insightful, illuminating psychic reading to reveal your own unique secrets now!

---> blackfeathermedicine@gmail.com

Come with questions, leave with answers!

Big Medicine Love to You!!

Return of Innocence

When requested, I do Shaman's Earthwalks for specific people, but this one (done in the countryside near Budapest, where I am at present) may have been more of an 'open message', if you will. For the fact that you're reading this, though, my suggestion is that you consider that you co-created it as a 'message to self '...

Before heading out, I asked for a guide to accompany me, and Salmon presented. Because salmon have that amazing natural ability to return to the waters in which they were born, I took its appearance as both a reassurance that I would intuitively know which way to go, and that keeping my eye out for bodies of water wouldn't be a bad idea, either.

Having never been in the area before, I asked my hosts if there were any creeks or rivers in the vicinity. My (lovely) neice pointed me in the general direction of a local lake, and I headed out. After just a couple of blocks, though, I caught sight of the village water tower looming through the fog... 'Water from above', I thought?

I continued on, making mental notes of the signs I saw along the way. As per usual when I do a grouse walk (and as much as I could), I left off interpretation until after the walk was completed.

I walked past the tower (north: the direction suggesting completion of a cycle in life, wisdom to be gained, and guidance) and up a narrow dirt road running alongside a massive field of (harvested) corn stalk stubs. I saw a couple of kill sites, likely where a resident hawk had taken pigeons, and some blue-coloured (discarded) items, both of which are - for me, personally - reassurances that I'm on the path intended.

I saw corn in small, spilled piles that I presumed had fallen off farming/harvesting equipment as it had turned onto the road from the adjacent field. Corn can represent gold, wealth and riches. By the fact that it was spilled and left, the suggestion was that something valuable (and 'sustaining') had been lost along the journey. Whose journey, I wondered... mine? yours? ours?

I actually saw quite a few discarded items, only some of which my inner knowing suggested were relevant. There were empty drink/water bottles, for instance (~ a thirst for spiritual connection, for the answers from spirit that will quench that thirst and restore energy and creativity), and a vacuum cleaner (~ attempting to clean up a mess, likely involving someone who has hurt you - your vital energy having been sucked away).

Then there was the sound of a pheasant. I heard it, but couldn't see it (through the thick fog). Pheasant most often represents issues associated with 'ego'. I usually take Pheasant's appearance as a sign of (a need for) movement through who we're taught to believe we are to a realisation of who/what we actually are.

A woodpecker came from the direction of a transmission line that ran through the cornfield. It flew along the road a short ways and then into the woods. That made it pretty clear which way to go!

As I'd mentioned, I'd never been to the area before, but I knew I needed to head into the woods that were in front of me. Just to be on the safe side, I took a compass bearing to get an idea of which way the road ran, and then headed in. Not far along, I found two (white) plastic bags with what looked like dark, bloodied forms inside. I opened them, and found five tiny, 'discarded' black puppies. As much as I recognize a responsibility to be non-judgemental as a messenger, I had to fight to keep my heart from dropping through my chest. I stayed for a while, sending energy and a prayer, including gratitude for the sign I was given. It seemed to be calling attention to lost innocence and playfulness, and perhaps a conditioned loyalty that (obviously) wasn't/isn't serving. Moving on...

...an underground den. Woodpecker's appearance did suggest looking beneath the surface of things...

...and an old, crumble-down homestead (a suggestion to look to the influences from a childhood home, I wondered?).

To be honest, I don't have all the answers as to the full relevance of the messages that presented on this particular walk. Partially, I believe, it's an issue of 'permission'. It seems to me that these were intended as pieces of a bigger jigsaw, the missing pieces of which you yourself may (or may not 'yet') want to investigate. If you feel that you'd appreciate some help, though, I'd be more than delighted to accompany you on the journey you're undertaking, shapeshift your old reality, and help you move into awareness of your future self!

For the moment at least, I'll pass on the two signs that followed...

...I caught a brief glimpse of a running deer: a note to be gentle with yourself...

...birds singing, and (late-season) pink flowers. While I have much to say about those as a signs, I'll leave it in your BigMedicine hands (for now, at least). No need to look for an other angel to drop out of the sky; the messages, the encouragement, the Love you seek... it's all around you. It is you.

Big Medicine Love to You

~ Black Feather

contact: blackfeathermedicine@gmail.com

Stag Medicine: the call of Your nature

This is a truly magical time of co-creation. It's autumn (here), and the rut is on. I can hear stags calling out, day and moonlit night.

As majestic as Stag is, it doesn't do its bellowing for the sake of its ego; that's a human motivation, based on judgement and an unrequited (and impossible) desire for external approval. Stag calls pro-creative opportunities to it for the simple fact that - in its relationship to source - it's a naturally creative being.

The message I take from Stag is to loudly ('provocatively', even) communicate what emmanates from source through you, but not to worry about whether you (or I) will be heard or not.

Perhaps you feel that you've tried oh so many times before and never got anywhere. As it is for the young bucks that hang around at the fringes hoping to 'get some', maturity on a soulful level comes in divine timing. All the previous seasons' efforts have added depth to your voice, substance to your Being.

Don't work for what you see someone else has. Be at your own centre. Express what's inside you that demands expression. You will call what you need to you, but only by being genuine and true to your own nature. (Oh, and throwing a little 'flair' in won't hurt anything - tell me that bit of grass in the antlers doesn't just scream 'stunning'!)

Big Medicine Love to You

~ Black Feather

Octopus Medicine: do you realize how Big you are?

You’re an octopus!

Octopi can be so huge (physically), yet they’re able to squeeze themselves into the tiniest of spaces, like a glass jar, for instance. We’re all octopi, actually, the thing is though, we see the world through our glass veil without realizing that the tendril dangling in front of our eyes - the very water that flows around and through us - actually is us.

When working with someone, I’m always intrigued that I see what it is that Spirit intends as a message to them. It's testament to how truly expansive we are as energetic beings, to how far we extend past the apparent limits of what we perceive as our physical bodies.

When someone comes to me for guidance, I’ll sometimes do a card reading for them or a vision quest, but personally, I Love the experience of having the participation of the living, breathing, physical world. I may do a Shaman's Earthwalk for them; with my heart tuned to the awareness that I’ll be shown a(n unmistakable) sign, I’ll go on an intentional walkabout. I can’t say I’m surprised by what comes up, but I’m always amazed.

It may be that specific animals reveal understanding. On one particular occasion, I was shown Hawk and a kill site. In that instance, Hawk and its meal were sent as symbols to clarify what was ‘eating away’ at that person’s power.

After a distance energy healing on a woman’s dog during which I was shown a vision of a blue ball in an energy stream from the dog’s mouth (~ the place of ‘communication‘), I was guided to a specific spot in an unassuming roadside woods where - having been ‘told’ I was in the right place - I looked down at my feet to find a similar small blue ball, complete with dog toothmarks in it! The woman confirmed that her dog had once had an identical ball years ago, soon after he first came to her. I gave her this ball, and she took it back home with her (where her dog was at the time, 4,000 miles away) as part of their healing journey.

This is just a small fraction of what our interactive environment wants to impress upon us through our participation with it. It’s testament to how we shape our world and how it - in turn - shapes us.

If you’ve ever ‘primed’ a dream, you know how effective diving into those other levels of consciousness can be for solving problems or receiving inspiration. Try doing the same thing with your waking dream. Even though you feel ‘awake’ during your (for most people) daylight hours, those other levels of consciousness are active at the same time; an ocean of activity is alive and thriving under the surface of your awareness. Before you set out for a walk, ask of the Universe (/‘yourSelf ‘) for guidance on a problem you’ve been chewing on (or that‘s been chewing on you, Ha!). As you’re thinking about this idea now, I can assure you that you’ve already extended those great, long, energetic arms of yours, reached into the great Void from where all things are possible (Octopus' eight arms symbolise infinity and infinite possibilities), created and put physical signs down on the path you're going to walk. That's how 'Big' you are!

In an evolutionary sense, your animal mind is much older (and, I would argue, more effective) than your rational mind, your Spirit mind older still. Signs are all around you. I’m here to remind you that you’ve put them down on the path for yourself.

Big Medicine Love to You

~ Black Feather


*If, for some reason, you feel that you’re not able to make such a journey yourself (perhaps you’re not physically mobile at present, for instance) or you‘d just like some help with this, contact me and I will help you.


Contact: blackfeathermedicine@gmail.com
Phone: +44 779 891 2317

This Is Why I Call It a ‘LifeDream‘…

Photo: Wolfgang Staudt

This story is a great affirmation of the amazing power we have to manifest messages to ourselves as we walk our life path. I originally wrote it as a description of Pigeon medicine in May of 2010, after Pigeon appeared in an intuitive portrait I‘d done for someone.

I was having one of those days when you 'know' you're exactly where you're supposed to be...

After I dropped my wife, Jenny, off to do a Reiki healing on her mom (a miracle in itself), I went for a hike to rejuvenate. I went to a local park that I‘d seen on a map of the area, not realizing it was a campground rather than a hiking area. My logical mind thought about getting back in the car and looking elsewhere, but I felt that Spirit had other plans for me.

I wandered past dirty picnic tables and through the faint trails between the connector roads and empty site lots. It was still off-season, and what few campers there were at that time eyed me suspiciously - why would anyone be wandering around here anyway? I imagined that theft happened pretty often here, it being so close to town. You could hear the expressway - it wasn't exactly a wildlife area, unless you count the empty bottles and chip bags, signs of the previous night's parties.

Listening to my intuitive promptings about where to go, it appeared after a while that I was being left feather hints (Wolf often leaves them for me as sacred path signs). I got to what seemed an unlikely spot in the middle of a trail. Squirrel! I'd been thinking of getting my cashews out anyway... but he left. Funny, you'd think he'd be used to handouts from campers (yeah, I know, I shouldn't feed the wildlife). Ok, that squirrel was gone, but I could see another one just ahead, sitting on a stump, busily eating, watching me from a distance (but pretending not to notice me, I thought). Looking around, it wasn't exactly picturesque. This spot didn't really have a view at all, but it did have a log to sit on (imitate Squirrel, I wondered? After all, he was eating his lunch). I'm supposed to have my lunch here? I sat down and opened up my bag. Then I saw a mound of feather fluff (a kill site), and I knew I was supposed to be there.

As I was just about done, I could see a man walking down the trail towards me. Ordinarily, I'd have been at least a little surprised, but I can't say that I was today. Earlier, I'd seen what I'd describe as a 'serviceable' camper parked just outside the park boundary - people living on the fringes, I thought, perhaps not wanting (or able) to pay even the off-season fee. If I wouldn’t have stopped for lunch (thanks, Squirrel!), I’d have missed the upcoming encounter altogether. He walked with a stick he'd picked up. He was a thin wisp of a man. If you were to ask me to imagine a hermit... He seemed a little surprised that I was being friendly to him.

"I was hoping this was a park with hiking trails", I said, after exchanging some quick pleasantries.

He gave me directions to an out-of-the-way area, tucked between a sports field and - again - the highway. It didn't sound like anything you'd find on a guide-map. I headed that way anyway, since it was in the direction of my car, thinking that I could at least look polite about following his directions (even if I did decide to drive off). And on my way there, I saw a rabbit. Rabbit is about fear, but he's also about changing directions. As I got to the car, Rabbit came out of the bushes I'd seen him disappear into a second ago, and he continued down the road towards a sports field (in the direction the man had suggested). "Looked like rain", he'd said. I figured it as a good sign; I picked up the hat and raincoat I'd left in the back seat and followed my furry little buddy.

I found the trails all right. It turned out that they were behind a school. Hmmm... I was going to learn something today, wasn't I? Again, it wasn't exactly what you'd call 'pristine wilderness.' There were burned out stumps where kids had been playing with matches, for instance, and an old mattress - a make-out mattress(?) I didn't want to know. With how I'm describing things, don't think for a second that I didn't appreciate the nature that was there. I wholeheartedly believe that even though kids came there for other reasons altogether, nature gives herself to heal them, unconditionally.

The path ahead of me finally started to look a little more promising/picturesque. So why was Spirit urging me to go right? That way would take me to the top of a small ridge that was blocking the sound of traffic from the roadway (the busy traffic to and from the ferry terminal, no less). Ordinarily, I wouldn't have been there at all, headed towards that noise, on a nature walk especially. "But what's that little bright blue thing, part-way up?" I wondered. When I got to it, it turned out to be just a piece of cast away plastic. Thinking on the significance of it though, "...blue does symbolize clarity."

It wasn't really a trail that I was on at all; it was more like bushwhacking. Once at the top of the ridge though, I did feel as though I was in ‘the right spot‘. I looked around, thinking that perhaps Spirit was leading me to an animal sighting. Who would it be, I thought, and why would they be here, of all places? After all, the highway was right there, and I could imagine the activities of kids scaring pretty much everything off during the school-week. Mind you, cougars had to hide somewhere, and there had been the rare sightings around the city after all. Could I even hope for something as exciting as that here? I looked around, and then I looked up...

...and then I looked down. There was a nondescript piece of crumpled fabric at my feet. I considered it for a second. I thought that perhaps my 'mission' was to intuit who might have left it (not that I'd ever done that before), but then I considered that it didn't really matter... "I think I'm here to receive".

I grabbed a fold and tugged it up from the ground. The forest had started to reclaim it; it must have been there for some time. It looked like a throw rug, or a wall hanging maybe, but I couldn't quite make out the design (at first). "It used to be quite colorful once," I thought. It didn't take me long - likely because of my experience discerning images in my portraiture work - before I made out the lighthouse. I spread it out a little better, took this photo, and accentuated it's image when I got home:

I'd been considering my path at the time, and found myself doing much more healing work (and teaching) than I ever would have imagined. This lighthouse seemed to be an unmistakable sign that I should continue this work, I 'gushed' thanks, and then, thinking I'd gotten all I'd been sent for, headed back to Jenny's mom's, .

As I rounded the corner before mum's house, I already had the feeling that I'd be arriving too early. I looked in through the front window - Jenny was still working on her. I walked towards the shops, thinking I'd perhaps pick up a present for Jenny.

I noticed "The Haunted Bookshop", and went in (as Spirit knew I would), curious as to whether I'd pick something up - a 'presence', perhaps? (Sorry about the bad pun, but I really couldn't help myself.) Usually, I'm not one for used book stores, but - considering the day I'd been having - I was at this point assuming I was fated to go in.

I looked around aimlessly until I noticed that I was in front of the 'art' section. I didn't see anything that interested me. I considered a stack of magazines. I closed my eyes and pulled one out. It was on colour mixing - a little dated, and not necessarily anything I didn't already know. I thought that perhaps coming in was just about killing time after all, and headed for the door.

Before I tell you what happened next, I'll tell you (for those of you who don't know) that Jenny and I had been working at manifesting a move to Edinburgh (and working at keeping the faith on it actually happening …considering that we’d been picking bottles off the beach for food around this time, it didn‘t seem in any way ‘realistic‘). I turned right into a shelf of books about Scotland! There were two right in front of my face that I couldn't ignore if I tried: one had a large graphic of the Scottish Thistle on its cover, and the other... a lighthouse being built! "The Lighthouse Stevensons: The Extraordinary Story of the Building of the Scottish Lighthouses by the Ancestors of Robert Louis Stevenson" by Bella Bathurst.

Besides delivering messages, Pigeon medicine is also about returning home... I'd never been there before, but I couldn't help it at that moment... Scotland. felt. like. home.

There are people who would read my story from which you'd hear the words 'coincidence', perhaps 'crazy' even, but you know what? I'm really happy, and I'm pretty damn sure I'm on the right path. You want answers? Look inside, and open your eyes.

All the Love you can handle, and then some

David J. (Mac)Nagy


As I mentioned, I originally wrote this in May of 2010 (as “Pigeon Medicine - This is why I call it a LifeDream“). Remembering my time on the beach back then, it all seemed so unlikely, but as of today, I’ll have been in Scotland for 6 incredible months!

In honour of all the signs on your life path,
Big Medicine Love to you,

~ Black Feather

Contrary Beaver - overcoming blocks to dream-building!

Photo Credit: earthdeva

I got a nudge to beware Beaver’s contrary medicine - in a card reading I did for myself, Beaver appeared ‘belly up’ for me. Beaver is about building (your dreams, especially), and I’ve been having trouble finding the energy - even the will - to do it lately. It seems to be a pattern of mine that I’ll work on a project for a while, and then - once it appears as though things are coming to fruition - I’ll give up on it (or - worse yet - sabotage it in some way). Contrary Beaver presents questions that beg asking, such as:

• Have I been carrying beliefs that have kept me from acting on my dreams/projects?
• Have I been working hard but not seeing any progress?
• Have I been beating myself up, saying “It’s my fault! I‘m just (lazy, clumsy, stupid, etc…)”?
• Am I resistant to working in community?
• Do I have a specific fear that has kept me from creating?
• What barriers/obstacles have I built that keep me from realizing my creations?

I asked for a vision for clarification, and saw a white dreamcatcher with the long nozzle of a black vacuum cleaner attachment through it at an angle. The image reminded me of something I’d seen once that someone had invented as a beaver ‘deceiver‘...

Growing up in Northwestern Ontario, I was pretty familiar with beavers (and humankind’s relationship to them). The vision I was given brought a specific memory to mind of a device that a landowner had used in what he thought was a humane way of keeping some resident beavers from flooding his property. Using a backhoe, he’d dug a trench through and under their dam and installed a long, steel culvert. The intake end was under water about ten feet into the beavers’ pond, and the outflow about ten feet behind the dam (on the downstream side).

Beavers are attracted to the sound of running water; it makes them kind of ‘squirrely‘ (no offense intended to my Squirrel-medicine friends!). It’s what motivates them to build and repair their dams. For the fact that its intake was under water and the beavers wouldn’t hear the water escaping from there, the idea of the culvert was that it’d keep draining the pond and prevent its level from rising. To that end, it worked. The beavers repaired the damage to the gap in the dam around the culvert‘s circumference, but the water was going through the culvert instead and wasn’t trickling over the dam any more. The beavers didn’t know what to do. They’d sometimes head to the downstream end of the culvert to try to cap it, but there was a grate installed on it, rendering their attempts useless.

As I said, the pond level didn’t rise. The land didn’t flood, and the landowner felt he’d done well by the beavers for the fact that he hadn’t resorted to shooting or trapping them. But the crux of the problem for the beavers was that they need the level in their pond to rise (or, at least, be ‘maintained‘) in order to survive. Once they’ve eaten what’s available to them near their pond’s edge, they have to go further onto land. Because they’re so slow on land though, being further from the water leaves them more vulnerable to predators. They’ll sometimes dig canals to extend their access, but if the water level drops, one way or the other, they’re screwed; either they can’t get to their food and they can’t eat, or they get eaten.

Because my guides gave me a vision that they knew would bring this memory to mind for me, I interpreted the dreamcatcher scenario to mean that there was something sucking at my energy, diverting the flow and keeping my dreams from ‘sticking’. Since Beaver’s main domain is water, and water is symbolic of emotion, Beaver medicine is also about paying attention to how (/whether) your emotions motivate you as you work towards the building of your dreams. As essential as I believe emotions are, Beaver’s medicine was challenging me to consider whether I was acting out behaviours based on emotional impulses that weren’t actually serving me. I realized that I wasn’t likely to get anywhere with this by examining it on a conscious level. I needed to find where this bypass was. It was pertinent that it was a dreamcatcher I’d been shown, because that’s where I received some further help...

That night, I had a dream where a teenager was acting spoiled and throwing things at me. This included a canoe, which is a frequent dream symbol of mine that reflects how I propel myself through life. There‘s also a reference here to emotions, too, since you‘d use a canoe in travelling over water. To my surprise, he was also fixing an outboard motor, a task that I couldn’t imagine I’d know how to do myself. He was threatening to throw more things at me (shoes). Instead of moving away from him though, I went towards him, all the while talking about how I imagined he must not have gotten enough love and attention when he was younger (admittedly, a little snidely). I was close enough to see that he had green eyes (~ the colour of new beginnings). His arm was still arched, ready to throw, but it was obvious from the hopeful look on his face that he was considering what I was saying, and he just held it there. The closer I got, the gentler I became. I made it clear to him that I was interested in him, that I loved him. I also told him that I was really impressed that he had the skill to fix things.

Upon waking, I analyzed the dream and came to the realization that this was where my creative energy had been getting syphoned off. I’d now connected with my inner teenager. He has skills and abilities that I’ve been missing out on. He’d been damaging/sabotaging things - throwing tantrums within my subconscious, essentially - as a way of communicating how much he’d been hurt (how much I‘d been hurt in my youth). Unfortunately (as is the case when we act out instead of speaking up), he’s actually been hurting himself doing it. I reentered the dream in a meditation, and asked him to help me repair the beaver dam. My thought was to dive down into the pond and try to plug up or crimp the end of the pipe shut. Neither of those solutions seemed to fit. We ended up pulling the culvert out from the downstream end, and filling a lot of the space in using the pile that had originally been removed with the backhoe. I wanted to fix it to completion, but left it to the beavers, as they’d be able to do a better job of it than we could. We didn’t stay around to watch them - being mostly nocturnal, they do their work under cover of night.

My thoughts about those beavers hadn’t left me since seeing that culvert being installed years ago. Regardless of how diligently the little creatures worked, I imagined they were likely starving, or really, really stressed about having to go far from the safety of their pond to satisfy their belly rumblings. Not to mention, they must have gone a little crazy; I mean, can you imagine never receiving confirmation that the work you’ve done has helped feed you? It would give you the idea that there was the hand of an omnipotent negative power at work, undermining your earthly efforts …(although I realize that’s the human/egoic response).

In nature, when beavers’ food sources are exhausted in a certain location, they’ll instinctually move to start a new pond, but in the case where you can smell that there’s food closeby, you’re working like mad and it doesn’t make sense that you’re not getting any closer to it, what do you do? Without affirmation, how long do you keep doing what you’re doing before you swim off to start again? And when you get there, aren’t you just going to worry that the same thing is going to happen all over again?

Through this investigation, I’ve realized how much of an impression the ’beaver deceiver’ incident had made on me. Coupled with my inner teenager’s need to express how hurt I’d felt as a youth (but couldn‘t communicate), I’d carried the belief that even the most industrious of efforts won’t provide nourishment. We develop behaviours based on our social interactions, but we also carry these medicines as a result of our relationship to nature.

Photo credit: Ben Christen

If the problem of being blocked in your endeavours resonates with you and you’d like some help with it, contact me - I’d be more than delighted to help you investigate your medicines. Alternatively, I suggest these two meditative ‘investigations‘... one: dive into your water (however that looks to you) to see what’s diverting the creative energy being offered to you from source. Investigate and deal with who or what it is that might have an interest in keeping your heart-centred dreams/projects from coming to fruition. And two: if you’re ‘hungry‘, visualize climbing up on shore and going after what it is that you believe will nourish you. I’ll say this to you: You are not slow on land. You don’t have anything to fear, other than what you imagine might be out there (predators? What predators?).

If it’s your first time trying a meditation like this, don’t worry if it seems difficult to visualize. You may feel that it’s ‘just imagination’, but - even if just for the sake of it as something entertaining to do - try it. It will (at the very least) trigger new medicine paths for you.

Or, since we all have free choice and there really is no such thing as a ‘wrong’ decision, do nothing. Since water will naturally continue to flow, though, not facilitating your natural inclination to create will make you crazy... I hear trickling, trickling, trickling… must build! Anyone in the community up for moving some ‘mud and sticks’ around?

Big Medicine Love to You

~ Black Feather